Before Camlann
by imaginebrolin
Summary: The prophecies say that Arthur will die in the battle of Camlann and Merlin isn't even able to protect him because he just lost his magic. Arthur doesn't understand why Merlin wants to leave him right now, when he needs him most. The last bath of the king of Camelot becomes their farewell and the time when they finally can tell the truth.


_**This fic was translated by me from Polish (the original title is **_**Przed Camlann**_**). I would like to thank my lovely **_**Roma**_** and **_**Kass**_** for encouraging me to do it and **_**Zoe**_** for beta reading! The cover art which inspired me to write it done by **_**Mellowmorgan**_**.  
**_

* * *

The Rising Sun Tavern hadn't been that crowded for a very long time. That night everyone was paying attention to a wooden table, surrounded by curious onlookers who were looking at two young men playing a game of dice. The first had blond hair and was wearing a white, loose linen shirt exposing his neck. The second one, dark-haired (someone who wasn't paying enough attention would tell that his hair was completely black) was dressed in a brown jacket, a shirt of the color of cornflowers with a red scarf.

The first man was the King of Camelot.

The second man was his manservant.

Barrels of beer were emptied very quickly and the group of men watching a game of dice grew bigger. Very soon the tavern became so crowded that the fat innkeeper barely managed to squeeze herself through guests requesting more and more drinks. The candle lamps suspended from the ceiling were giving little light, but it was more than enough to have a good view of the wooden plates, silver coins and dice cups. The beer was flowing freely, everyone inside the tavern could hear loud laughter and shouts.

It wasn't usual for a simple servant to win all of the king's money in a game of dice.

But Arthur wasn't an ordinary king and Merlin surely wasn't an ordinary servant.

Merlin coughed to distract Arthur before rolling the dice, but he didn't have to. He was distracting him by his very presence. Some time has passed since their break-up and a lot has happened in that time. Mordred betrayed Arthur and allied with Morgana. A storm was coming, a huge thunderstorm, but that one night Merlin was trying to forget about it. He couldn't stop staring at Arthur and his undone shirt exposing muscled torso, the same shirt that Merlin starched this morning. Merlin felt confident and relaxed. He was joking with Arthur in the presence of his people. The king was pulling his face and pretending that he was angry, but for real it wasn't bothering him at all. They were equal. They were looking at each other provocatively, fluttering their eyelashes and challenging each other. They weren't even blinking, not wanting to break eye contact even for a moment. They were still in love with each other and the tension between them was growing with every passing day. That night they were totally lost to the world. Arthur thought that Merlin often went to the tavern and got drunk till he was laying under the bench, unconscious, but the truth was entirely different. He wasn't used to getting drunk at all. But how could he refuse when Arthur asked him to join him and Percival that evening? In result Percival and the rest of the tavern didn't matter to Arthur because he was paying attention only to Merlin. Competition and the game of dice quickly turned into a flirtation. Arthur had forgotten that they weren't alone in the tavern. He was seducing Merlin with his every glance and smile. With each pint Arthur's face was becoming more and more flushed and with every passing moment he was more and more cheerful. He was buying drinks for everyone in the tavern until Merlin won the rest of his money – then Merlin began to buy drinks. The sorcerer had no idea what was going on. He drank more than ever before. The world around him began to spin and blur and his loud laugh could be heard in the whole of Camelot. He was swaying and telling jokes about the king, the jokes for which Arthur could have chopped his head off, but even the threat of the death penalty couldn't stop him. Morgana, Mordred and Arthur's bane had become distant, hazy visions. That night Merlin saw only Arthur. They weren't together for so long. Arthur didn't want to cheat on Gwen, so they weren't sleeping together anymore, but Merlin instinctively felt that it wasn't something what the king truly wanted. And that is why today, when they heard coarse music in the tavern, Merlin didn't protest when Arthur grabbed his hand and began to dance with him, despite his shaky legs. They began to dance and the whole tavern followed their steps. Suddenly Arthur pulled him behind the pantry at the back of the tavern, full of beer barrels and sacks of barley. They slipped away, leaving laughing and drunken people, and they found themselves in a dark corner. Arthur pushed him against a wooden wall, jerked him at his red scarf and sunk into his mouth with the ferocity that Merlin had never experienced before. He lost himself in the kiss and parted his lips with a soft moan. He was turned on and his ears were ringing. Despite his drunken stupor he managed to undo the buckle in Arthur's belt and slide his hands under his disheveled shirt. Years of practice had taught him to do it without hesitation. After all it was him who almost for ten years dressed and undressed the king. He had seen him naked more often than his own wife and he knew his body better than his own. He was watching, over the years, how Arthur's body was changing. How he was gaining weight and muscles and how these muscles tensed when Arthur was looking at him. His hands were wandering over his sweaty back. Arthur was breathing hard, pinning him to the wall harder, not breaking the kiss. His hands dropped down in Merlin's dark hair for a moment, then Arthur lowered them. Impatient, trembling fingers began to solve the straps of Merlin's pants. He wanted him so much that he couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't bear to look at him every day and pretend that they were never lovers.

Arthur really didn't want to lie to Guinevere. He really loved her. But _Merlin_ - especially now, in the tavern, laughing and blushing from too much alcohol, throwing seductive glances before each toss, so ostentatiously cheeky and cocky, so self-confident and flirtatious, so _sexy_ - no, Arthur wasn't able to survive another day without him. He was excited so much that he forgot about ordinary precautions. He dragged Merlin into the dark pantry and was determined to fuck him here and now, on these sacks of barley or on barrels, or even against the wall. No one had ever made him feel that way. Merlin must be a sorcerer. All these feelings, all that he was doing to his sanity… it wasn't normal. Tomorrow he would sentence him to death for using magic. Yes, he was sure he will, but first he will fuck him so hard that he won't forget it for the rest of his short life!

Merlin giggled, trying to catch his breath. His head was spinning. Is that what alcohol was doing to people? He would be able to control himself if he was sober, but now he was so turned on that he was ready to agree to everything. Arthur could do to him whatever he wanted. Merlin just wanted to feel him inside himself. It was all that he wanted.

Suddenly among the groans and sighs Merlin heard footsteps.

"_Arthur",_ he gasped as he stopped sucking on his mouth. The king protested, dragged him again and nabbed his lips with his own. Merlin pulled away with a supreme effort. "Someone's coming. _Arthur!_ They'll see us!"

The king swore, removing his hands from the straps of Merlin's pants and looked around. He grabbed Merlin's hand and they slipped out through the back door together.

As soon as they felt a chill of the night they laughed out loud with a relief. Nobody noticed them. They were sweaty, flushed and giddy. They buckled quickly stretched garments, swaying and stumbling, and when they did it, Arthur put his hands on the back of Merlin's head and pulled him over again to give him a wet, obscene kiss. But this time Merlin was too afraid that someone would notice them, so he stepped back quickly, chuckling nervously.

And then Percival found them.

"Sire!", he shouted. He was swaying. Merlin thought that he had to drink half a beer stocks from the tavern to get drunk with his muscle mass. "Merlin! Come back to the tavern! There's still many pints left, and so many beautiful virgins came over... or at least they claim they're still virgins...", Percival belched. "Of course I'm not telling you to come, sire, because of the queen... but Merlin..."

"Don't you dare to spend that night with some virgin, Merlin", Arthur hit him in the head, knocking out of it any ideas that included horny virgins. They both knew perfectly well that Merlin wouldn't even think of it. Women could throw at him the most outrageous looks in Camelot and he still probably wouldn't even notice. Arthur was enough for him. He was the only one Merlin desired. The only one in the whole of Camelot. In the whole damn world. "Not tonight, or any other!", Arthur said loudly, threatening him with his finger.

Percival broke into loud laughter.

"Don't be so cruel to him, sire. Merlin deserves some fun!"

"Merlin has to knock the nonsense out of his head", Arthur said and hit him again. He always had to hit him and he always claimed that it were just friendly slaps. Bloody Arthur with his bloody foreplay!

"You see, Percival", Merlin shrugged helplessly. "Arthur never allows me to have any fun!"

"That's because you robbed me of all my money, clotpole!", this time Arthur slapped him on the back. Percival chuckled, holding his stomach aching from laughing.

"Let's go then!", Percival waved his hand and came back to the tavern.

As soon as he turned around, Arthur dropped his hand and slapped Merlin's buttocks, grinning cheekily.

Merlin didn't have enough strength to be angry with him.

A night full of drinking, seductive looks, furtive gestures and suggestive smiles was waiting for them.

* * *

He didn't even suppose that these moments spent in the tavern with Arthur would be the last happy moments in his life. No one heard his laugh again. He was never happy again.

He was never whole again. The other side of the same coin, the other half, Arthur, was brutally taken from him.

That night Camelot was attacked by Morgana and Mordred. That night Merlin lost his magic.

* * *

Ever since he first heard the name _Camlann_ from Percival's mouth, nothing was the same.

During the council of war, Arthur decided that this was where the battle would take place and at that moment Merlin's heart broke. He had heard that name before. It was burned in his heart and was bleeding so much that his legs buckled beneath him in pain.

In the battle of Camlann Arthur was supposed to die.

And Merlin didn't even have his magic to protect him.

He wanted to yell, scream, twitch and cry. He knew that nothing could stop Arthur. The king of Camelot wouldn't sit quietly in the castle and wait for the siege. No. He would fight Morgana and Mordred, the young druid against whom warned him the prophecy.

And there was nothing Merlin could do about it.

The king's heart was also broken. Merlin couldn't hold back the tears when he saw the look on his face at the time in which he told him that he wasn't going with him. He couldn't stay with him for the most important battle. He had to regain his magic if he wanted to give Arthur any chance of winning. He didn't tell him that though. He lied to him, saying that Gaius told him to stock up on herbs for medicines for wounded knights. "I always thought you were the bravest man I ever met", the king said. "Guess I was wrong," he added a moment later.

So Arthur will fight in the battle, in which, according to the prophecies, he will lose his life, and Merlin won't be by his side. The king will die with the belief that his servant, lover and friend left him in the most important moment of his life because he was a coward. He will never know the truth about his magic and all that he did for him.

All he was feeling for him.

* * *

Merlin poured warm water into a tub. He couldn't warm it up with his magic so it was hard for him to ensure that the temperature was right. He added fragrance oils and made sure that the water wasn't too hot. Soon they had to go, he and Arthur. Separately, on the other trips. On the other purposes. _Is this the last bath which I'm preparing for him?_, Merlin thought, adding the oil.

A few of Merlin's furtive tears also streamed down to the tub.

Arthur undressed behind the screen. He managed to do it by himself, which was still quite surprising for Merlin. He wasn't speaking. He wasn't even looking at Merlin. He just came out naked from behind the screen without a single word - perfect body marked by numerous scars and traces of wounds received in battles, tensed muscles like forged from stone - and entered the tub, plunging to the waist in hot water. Merlin noticed how Arthur shivered when the heat flowed out through his body and helped to relax him a little. He sighed softly and rested his hands on the edges of the tub. He still wasn't saying anything. He turned his back to him.

Merlin knew.

Arthur felt betrayed.

He decided not to break the silence, though its weight was terrible. He wasn't able to bring himself to speak or loose the tension with some funny joke as he used to do before major battles. He walked purely mechanically to the table, took a sponge, soaked it up and began to rub Arthur's heated body. He washed his back, staring silently at every scar. He remembered every single one of them. After all Merlin was the one who was always saving Arthur from death with his magic.

And now, when he needed it most, it was gone.

Tears started streaming down his cheeks. Arthur fortunately didn't notice it because he turned his back. He was sitting with his head bowed, allowing Merlin to take care of him, as he used to do for ten years. He trusted his agile hands and his sensitive, gentle touch. He wanted to tell him... His eyes began to water. Fortunately Merlin couldn't see his face. He didn't want Merlin to see his tears.

Merlin was rubbing his left shoulder when Arthur grabbed his hand.

The manservant flinched as he felt the sudden touch. Arthur's hand was warm and wet. His fingers tightened around Merlin's hand, not allowing it to move. Arthur held it, held it tight. He pulled his hand slightly down - where his heart was, Merlin felt clearly the increased beating of his heart - and didn't let go. He didn't want to. Never, there was no way he could do it. He wanted to always keep it by his heart.

_"Arthur"_, Merlin whispered his name with affection. His voice was weak and tearful, but the strength of feeling, which was contained in it, was greater than anything he has ever felt.

Arthur bowed his head, pressing Merlin's hand even tighter to his chest. He sprinkled it with his tears that he was no longer able to stop.

"Don't leave me", Arthur whispered, choking back his tears. Merlin had never seen him so weak, so broken. So lost. "Please", Arthur sobbed. "Stay with me. _I need you._"

Merlin knew that what he was about to say would hurt the king to the core. But he couldn't tell it another way.

"I can't", he choked with a broken voice. "Forgive me, Arthur. _I can't._"

Arthur turned round to him. He craned his neck and looked him straight in the watery eyes. Merlin felt as if he was peering into his soul. Into his heart.

"Merlin, _please_", Arthur swallowed. "_I beg you._ Don't leave me. Not now. Not now, when I need you most!", he raised his voice suddenly. "Not now, not ever. Don't leave me", he said, tears streaming profusely down his cheeks. He already lost control. "How can I handle it without you? _How?_ And what if I die and you won't be by my side?"

"I'm sorry, Arthur", Merlin looked away. He couldn't look at him anymore, not like this. His heart was bleeding. He shook his head. "I can't. Believe me, if I only could, I would follow you everywhere, even to hell. Wherever you chose. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, because I..."

"Then why are you leaving me now?"

"I do it for you, Arthur", he whispered. "Everything I do, I do it _for you_. _Only_ for you."

Arthur pulled him closer and kissed him.

Merlin crouched at the edge of the tub. Arthur was kissing him and Merlin drank every salty tear from his mouth. _I love you_, he was thinking all the time, not knowing how to tell him. _I love you so much that it's blinding me, crushing me. I can't breathe. I can't stop thinking about you. For so many years._

_Arthur is your destiny,_ said the dragon Kilgharrah long time ago.

He didn't believe him then.

But now, when their lips united in a kiss, he knew that he fell in love with Arthur at the very beginning.

Arthur shook off Merlin's brown jacket and after a while he did the same with his blue shirt. Merlin's red scarf also quickly landed on the floor. Merlin couldn't resist his touch, he couldn't fight this feeling. This could be the last time, _their_ last time, and the thought of it made him cry again. The ardent desire in him felt like burning fires of the stack.

Merlin got rid of the remnants of his clothes and joined Arthur in the tub. They embraced each other in mists of steam and hot water, leaving greedy kisses on the lips, neck, chest, _everywhere_. Arthur also realized that this might be their last time. He was kissing and embracing Merlin as if he couldn't decide what to do in the first place. He gave up finally. He pulled Merlin closer to his heavily beating heart and hugged him, stroking his hair and weeping. Merlin was touched. The king, his brave and powerful king was _crying_, _crying_ for real, holding him so tight as if he never wanted to let him go. As if it was the only thing which remained, as if he wanted nothing more.

_"Merlin"_, Arthur sobbed. He repeated his name several times as if he wanted to remember the sound of it and take it with him wherever he had to go.

To the place where Merlin couldn't follow.

The sorcerer stroked Arthur's back. He was crying. _I love you_, Merlin was thinking constantly. He was sure that Arthur could hear his thoughts. That he knew.

Arthur stepped back and put his hands on his shoulders. He helped him to his feet. They stood up, facing each other, naked in a tub filled with water. For a moment they looked into each other's eyes, but then their eyes began to engulf their entire bodies, trying to remember each other.

The king pulled him closer again and hugged him affectionately. He was naked and his body was heated. He wanted him, but he managed to make the tender gesture anyway. _It's not just lust_, Merlin understood. _He's feeling something for me._

With this in mind, it was even harder to leave.

Arthur gently took Merlin's trembling hand and guided him into the king's bed. Still dripping wet, they laid on soft sheets and their bodies coalesced into an embrace. Every touch lasted longer than usual, every move was slowed down. They didn't want it to end. They wanted to stay like this forever and forget about the world, but they both knew that it couldn't last forever. So Merlin was kissing Arthur with even greater fervor, wandering with his hands over Arthur's chest, placing kisses on his lower abdomen. Arthur was doing the same to him. It was one of the few moments neither of them were dominating. They weren't even fighting with each other for dominance. They were equal and they fitted together like the obverse and reverse, the two sides of the same coin. They were born to be together. And now, all of a sudden, they had to say goodbye to each other? They had to quit? Merlin firmly decided that he wouldn't allow it. He was determined to regain his magic and save Arthur.

Arthur won't die in the battle of Camlann.

Merlin won't allow it.

They were moving slowly in unison, crossed legs and bodies pressed together, closeness surpassing intimacy, surpassing everything they had ever felt. Affectionately clasped hands, lips wandering on the collarbones. Half-closed eyes, long eyelashes tickling torsos. Breathe in and breathe out, sighs and moans, lifting chests and falling chests. Wet backs, wet thighs, sharp scent of love dominating all of senses. Instinctive moves, a pleasure that tasted like a paradise. Laced fingers. Unity.

They were laying in crumpled bed sheets with their legs crossed, staring at each other. Usually after having sex both Merlin and Arthur didn't dare to look into each other's eyes, too ashamed of what they just did. But not this time.

Arthur touched his flushed cheek. He stroked it gently and then without a single word he raised his hand and tucked unruly lock of Merlin's dark hair back behind his ear. Merlin also raised his hand and touched Arthur's mouth. He stroked his lips with his fingertips, trying his best to remember its unique shape.

"Promise me", Arthur whispered, "That I'll see you again, Merlin. Can you make such a promise?", he asked, his voice hoarse with emotion. His blue eyes sparkled again with tears. He stroked Merlin's cheek, even more sensitive than before.

Merlin shook his head.

"I promise", he said. He will save Arthur, no matter what. He was ready to pay every price. "We'll meet again, Arthur. You'll win the battle of Camlann. You'll defeat both Morgana and Mordred. And everything will be fine."

"When it'll be finished, Merlin... I'll tell Gwen about us."

Merlin froze.

"I don't want to hide it anymore", the king continued before Merlin managed to interrupt him. "Although I believe that she knows me well enough to know it already. We'll find a solution together. And then... maybe... I'll not only tell Gwen, but everyone I care about, too. My knights... My people… I'll tell everyone and we'll no longer have to live in a lie", Arthur said. His voice was trembling with emotion. "I swear, Merlin. When I win the battle of Camlann and kill Morgana and Mordred, I'll tell everyone. _I promise."_

Merlin's eyes were red from crying. He hadn't seen that coming. He was used to hiding and lying.

And now Arthur wanted to change everything.

He really wanted to do it.

_For him._

Merlin decided that he would do something for him too.

He made the final decision.

As soon as the battle is over he will tell him about his magic.

He didn't know what the consequences would be. Perhaps Arthur would be angry. Maybe he wouldn't be able to trust him anymore. Maybe... there were so many questions and doubts, but there was the one thing Merlin knew for sure: Arthur wouldn't push him away.

"And I promise that when this all is over I'll never, ever leave you again", he said with a broken voice. Feelings that he had for Arthur were almost tearing him apart.

He took the king's hand and pressed it to the warm skin above his heart.

"I will always be with you", he promised.

He took the king 's other hand and pressed it together with his own to Arthur's heart.

"I'll be with you in the battle of Camlann, Arthur", he whispered. "In your heart. Whenever you think of me, know that I think of you too. That before every breath I take I think about you first. That every beat of my heart is for you. That everything I've ever done and everything I'll ever do, I do for you. That... that _I love you. With all my heart._"

Tears glistened in Arthur's eyes when he squeezed his hand.

"And you will never leave me again?", Arthur asked. He wanted to be sure.

"Yes, Arthur. _I will never leave you again._"

* * *

The final bath before the final battle of Camlann was supposed to last about fifteen minutes, and lasted more than two hours. When Merlin left the royal chambers, he wasn't able to think about anything else except the promise he made to Arthur. If he wanted to keep it he had to regain his magic.

He froze suddenly as he saw Guinevere at the other end of the corridor.

He couldn't look into the queen's eyes after all this time spent in the king's bedroom. He reminded himself of Arthur's words. _I'll tell her. I'll tell Gwen the truth. I don't want to lie to her anymore._

He felt a choking feeling of guilt.

"Merlin?", he heard her anxious voice. "Are you all right?"

_Arthur might die and I won't be by his side_, he wanted to scream. _I beg you, Gwen, take care for him. Defend him. Protect him. Don't let him die._

"I'm sorry", he choked only, unable to stop the tears streaming down his face.

He decided to leave immediately.


End file.
